Being alright

The future is so uncertain.
And I have no idea what I want it to be...
I am so confused as to whether I'm enjoying the journey there...or do I just want to reach my destination and be done with it.

I pray I will turn out fine,
I hope that I would find something that would make me more compassionate, and just be able to care about the journey more than just Hoping that the end will turn out somehow "ok".

Crossing fingers that I would not regret the short term lazy-ass decisions i made in life...
Really hope I would become someone useful at least

Cheers to the uncertain future
I hope you won't hate the present me for making the decisions I'm making now ...

Meteor Garden/ Hana yori dango/Boys over flowers

Ahhhh....Meteor garden....My very first Taiwanese show and I LOVE IT....

I remembered watching it with my parents, and we had soooo much fun watching it, and its the 'idol drama' which made me so interested in Taiwanese dramas (sadly now the standards of Taiwanese dramas are not very good T_T)

It's an adaptation from a famous Japanese manga 'Hana yori dango' which means boys over flowers. It's a very cliche kind of story, but I think it is one of the classic stories that establish the Poor girl Rich boy romance drama storyline that we see so much of these days.

So basically the story is about a Poor but Hardworking girl who somehow ended up enrolling into an elite only super Rich people only high school. She's the only 'lowly' class student there but she tries her best to not be noticed and peacefully graduate, well until she stepped onto the toes of the 'F4'. F4 which means 'FLOWER 4' (Pftttttt *rolls eyes* ) are 4 super duper Rich, famous and Handsome high school seniors which controls the school, and once you are targeted by them, you basically get bullied and outcast-ed by everyone in school until you quit school.So yeah, main girl is determined and take all the bullying, main hot head rich F4 guy falls for her, then another F4 guy too falls for her, then lots of bling bling and drama and what nots...hehe

So that's the summary of it, and even though it sounds like a story soooo overly done, but It is fun to watch and damn, the guys are hot!!!:P..... And, it is such a popular story until there are multiple versions of it, there's the Taiwan, Japanese, Korean, China and I think there was an Indonesian version of it as well (not really sure).

Ok, the first version was the Taiwanese version, and I think it is one of the versions that stayed really true to the manga....yes the production value wasn't that great, but hey, It was in the 90's and taiwanese dramas that time wasn't that well known yet. And I can't say anything bad about this version since it was the first version, the characters were lovable enough, and story flow was ok (the last few episodes kinda dragged)...so yep:D...plus this was THE drama that introduced Taiwanese dramas to the world (it was the talk among everyone that time!! it was like the Winter sonata that made Korean dramas famous)

 

The next one to follow was the Japan version 'Hana yori dango'. I think it was the best adaptation out of all because the acting and production was really good.... the main actor does not really fit the image of the character, but hey, he can act, so it was kinda convincing anyways even though he was one of the shortest out of all the other actors. Plus the main actress was soooo lovable, she was not overly overdoing the 'OMG,I'm poor AND cute AND totally awesome!!!like duh I'm the main actress'.... And the story was so well done and the pace was consistent (that's what I love about Japanese dramas, since it has only 9- 12 episodes for each series, they can't really drag the story, but only focuses on the important ,exciting parts!)...

And the OVERLY POPULAR version was the Korean adaptation 'Kkotboda Namja'... I had such high hopes for this version since I'm a big Korean drama fan, But I think this version was SOOOO over rated!!!!! The production was really really good since they had the budget for it, cinematography was awesome as well...but the storyline was like WTF AM I WATCHING!!!
Main girl was so annoying in this version, I'm not sure If it was the main actress trying to be overly cute OR that the director asked her to be like 'hey go overly cute and annoy the hell out of everyone!!'.....arghhh...Main girl in this version was SUCH a damsel in distress, and hell no man, she is NOT SUPPOSE to be such a person!!!...other than the main girl, the story was soooo 'korean-nized'...with all the super duper over sentimental drama in it...urghh...like DUDE, this is an adaptation FROM a manga...it's suppose to be Fun and Fluffy and Crazy...But NOOOO...let's just make it super drama with all the bling bling....sigh...
But it was popular, mainly because of the super handsome cast, well it does has the Most handsome F4 out of all the other versions....but meh....story still sucked...and the ending was horrible....my reaction was    0_o...   dafug did I just wasted my time watching....

There was a China version as well, but I only watched the first episode and then gave up. Not sure if it was good but I just hate the voice overs in Chinese dramas, It sounds horribly fake and I just could not finish the drama. But I did heard that this version was not bad as well.

Well yep, so all versions are different... I loved the Japanese the most for it's storyline and acting, Taiwanese one for it being the ORIGINAL one and it had so much different characters and side-stories, and the Korean one for ONLY it's really pretty Production value...plus the actors were nice to look at as well:P

Hehe... So yep, one manga and more than 4 different countries adapted it... so popular!!

The only other manga I could think of for having such a huge success is 'Hana Kimi' with a Taiwanese, Japanese and potential Korean version that is coming out soon (there's a China version as well, but it hasn't aired yet even though it was suppose to be aired last year, not sure what is going on with that)... so yep...excited for that !!!:D

Fed up...I need my break soon

I seriously need a break soon
Been going on and on without rest since last September...

Went back home in Nov for barely 5 days...which I can't call that a break anyways...since that 5 days was pack with functions and meet ups...
Had a December break which was used for studying for that awful exam
Went to Paris after exams but could not fully enjoy it since results were not out
After that the worst happened and I lost another months worth of holiday studying
Then only a few days of break before rotations start
and It's just been going on and going on and going...

Going on for almost a year without a proper break where I can just shut off my brain and stop worrying about assignments, presentations and what to study...

Trying to get used to the weather, culture, studies, living out alone and being miles away from home where I spent all my life is tough...interesting experience of cause, but I really need my break now!!!

Please let holidays come now!!! :(

Home

Weirdly I get homesick NOT when I just left home, but it is when I'm about to go home...
Missing everything back home, especially the people...and yes the food!!!

Just one more month till home...

Sigh, stupid gloomy,wet and cold weather making me more depressed...thanks a lot British 'Summer'~~~

For the Love of Hallyu

Hallyu...means 'Korean wave' , which means the popularity of Korean music/ celebrities/ dramas/ movies out of Korea (overseas)...

Korean entertainment is super duper popular,it's not only popular in Asian countries, but it has now 'infected' the western world as well , and not only Asians love it, every ethnicity is enjoying it as well. So what makes it so popular and infective? is it the 'guyliner' where male celebrities wear, or is it the addictive pop music they produce, or is it the more conservative and colorful culture of Korea mixed with the industry which makes it a breath of fresh air compared to American entertainment?

I got drown by the 'hallyu' when I was 12 years old, which was when the insanely popular drama 'Winter Sonata' was aired on TV. I remembered me, being so unfamiliar to the Korean entertainment, would laugh at the Korean language (since it sounds so rough and weird to me that time) and the super cheesy love story line of Winter Sonata......but after a few episodes of that drama, I got sucked into being a Korean addict  ...I remembered going out to video shops to buy the whole DVD set of the drama, and even picking up 2-3 other Korean dramas...and yep, that is when I was officially stuck in the 'hallyu'.

Winter Sonata

I guess what made me an addict was the story line, because it was mostly centered around LOVE, and me being a teenager then LOVED those kind of cheesy love triangle sob stories, plus all the actors and actresses looked soooooo GOOOOD!!! they had awesome fashion and what nots...how could I resist being an addict!!!

Soon, I got hooked on Korean songs, mostly drama OSTs (original sound tracks) first, then slowly got hooked to K-pop. At first it was weird since I could not understand the language (which I still don't now anyways, thank god for subtitles and translations!!), but after awhile I just got so in love with the way the music sounds. The melody was so different, sad melo songs were soooooo sad and touching; while happy pop songs were so addictive with all their 'hooks'.

Few of the popular K-pop groups (2pm,wonder girls,2ne1,big bang,shinee,girls generation)

Then I fell in love with the 'idols' of k-pop because they were so different from the usual celebrities which I used to follow (american/taiwanese ect.). The way they present themselves were so respectful (due to the korean culture) , and there were variety shows which let these idols to show their true personalities (or true 'on stage' personalities anyways), they were funny and clearly you could see how hard they work on stage.

So yeah, hallyu has infected sooooo many people, half of the people I know are die hard korean fans , and I see no reasons why NOT to be a hallyu fan. Well, maybe the insanely pretty male celebrities (who wears make-up nowadays...but why not, it does make them look more pretty) make some people cringe and call them girly...or maybe its the language that makes it difficult to appreciate k-pop/drama.... but hallyu is growing strong, It has invaded so many countries now and gained so many fans all over the world...so yep, sooner or later everyone would be to some extend been 'soaked' in the hallyu:P

I have followed the Korean entertainment scene quite closely for a long time yet I am not a die hard fan of any K-pop groups or K-drama...I'm greedy and I LOVE too many of them to choose a few to be a die hard fan:P....so yep, I shall continue to be drown in hallyu:)... it's just too fun to not be:P

Hoping for the best of me...

Sometimes I wonder why the hell did I choose this path...
This terribly long, hard and stressful road to becoming a Medical Profession.

I am not crazily over empathetic
I am not a triple excellent top student
I am not  good at presenting or communicating
I am not great at anything actually.

But,
I somehow managed to get through 2.5 years of medical theory...(which I had no idea how I did it)
and had the worse 6 months of my life here studying for an exam where I cried,screamed, being depressed and had anxiety....and yet...I somehow again managed to get through that hellhole.

And now being in the more 'practical' part of my training, I do doubt myself from time to time...
How can I be as chatty or lovely as that particular student who is always the 'loved' one by staff and patients.
How can I be as brilliant as that particular student who has endless knowledge and answers for every question thrown at them.
How can I be as curious about everything as that particular student who always ask relevant questions and is always ever learning about everything around them.
...
Then,
there is me,
who is quiet, timid and trying so hard to just 'catch up' to the other students..

Some days I just feel like I had made the wrong decision to be in the medical profession, where I feel that my future patients will hate me and consultants screaming at me for doing stupid,careless things, where working long hours would just burnt me out and responsibilities would drown me and make me go mad.

But then there are days like today...

Where a patient who can barely walk ,got up and shuffle about walking towards me,just to tell me that he is leaving the hospital soon and that he is thankful for the help and would miss me...haha...It is so strange when just a Thank you from a patient, or a smile from them makes you feel soooo happy, and where all the stress and pressures just goes away for that very moment.

I know I am only a student and in NO WAY I have really 'helped' any of them.
But, I do enjoy talking to them, and even though I did not diagnosed them or cure them, but just maybe 'entertained' them and made them feel a little more important during their stay...well...I guess that is enough for them really...

So...yeah it's a longgggg way to go, and I know I have so much more to learn and brush up on...but to tell the truth...I guess it is all worth it in the end for that little thanks and appreciation from the patients...

Sigh...I hope I will turn out fine:)

My Wish...

My wish is to be...

Eating these:

top to bottom:Curry laksa ,nasi lemak,satay, roti canai, sushi(uk sushi is horrible,better ones cost a bomb!!) and fried kuey teow!!!

While Drinking these:

Bubble Tea and 'cham' (malaysian style coffee+tea)

And visiting these places:

Can't my wish come true!!!!T_T

Being Bullied

It's been a long time since I've been bullied...

I have forgotten how hurtful it is
and how helpless one feels when being degraded and insulted

how you wish someone would stand up for you
and most painfully, how much you HOPE you would have stood up for yourself

Today I was indirectly bullied
Being repeatedly put down
Being wrongly accused
Being left standing there faking a stupid smile while inside you just felt like punching the bully...

I guess no matter how much I have grown up
or how much I thought I was stronger and wiser to be able to defend yourself
In the end
I was bullied...

But whatever

They always say the Bullies are the ones with issues ..thus they will try to put people down to make themselves feel better...
So...I guess I have done good by letting that insulting hurtful A-hole feel better about himself....
Good Karma for the day I guess?? :DDD

Oh well, Tomorrow is another day...and It will be one NOT filled with bullies and A-holes:D


Stay Happy!!!!

Going back In TIME...

I want to return back in time
To a time where there were no worries, no responsibilities, no loneliness
Just only happiness, joy and freedom

So I got bitten by the 'how I wish I was a kid again' bug...
Been remembering how awesome my pre-adult years were
And If I had a chance  to return back to a certain time...It would be my High School years.
Yeah I know...High school...ahhaha...a lot of people would not want to return to that era where zits and growing up kinda sucked ...but for me...It was the best of times

Where my family and friends were always there with me
Where fun and laughter filled my day....Everyday of the year...
And where learning about life hurts...yet It made me stronger and more appreciative of who I am now.

I miss home
I miss my friends
I miss the memories...

How I wish time would have just stopped then

Sigh...

Why did I want to grow up so fast when I was a kid!!! dang it...


Growing Up really sucks...

Why 4minute??

Ok i'm a kpop fan...and I love kpop to bits...I don't understand korean,but who says you would need to understand the lyrics to enjoy the song...yes lyrics are the icing on the cake...but what the heck, I'm happy enough with the deliciously good cake:D

I don't really blog about kpop BUT I just got to rant about something k-pop-ie...So I'm gonna talk about 4 minute.

They are the cool girl group who debuted strong,fierce and unique years ago...yet, they've just been stagnant all these years,being just THERE in the k-pop industry.....and until now...the only girl i know from that group is freaking Hyuna...the others...are just there at the background.

Their other label mates under CUBE like B2ST and A-pink (I know, kpop grp names are just always weird...) have done a great job so far and have made a name for themselves in k-pop land...but WHY...oh WHYYYYYYYYY must they promote only ONE member of 4minute like crazy and ignore the other 4!!!Like Hyuna is having 70% of the face time in their new released music video "volume up"...

All i see is her face...then boom she's touching her body...then flash to another member *oh...ok i'm guessing this member is...* then BOOM...to hyuna again...*wait what, this is not even her singing part...ok nvm...*....then flash to another member *oohoooh i know this member,she's damn good at singing...oh gawd she's pretty...she is so..* Boom ...FREAKING HYUNA AGAIN!!!! WTF!!!

seriously...I'm not a big fan of 4minute ,yet their new song is quite good and catchy...but oh hack why must they be soooo "hyuna-fied".??

I just feel so bad for the other members of the group...I mean they are as talented,have great personalities and they are pretty too...but why must they always show Hyuna!!! (I don't HATE her,but she is WAYYY too overrated...yes she is pretty , really good in variety shows and is sexy....but why is she always in my face touching her body and is TRYING to be SOOOO slutty...*and she is not as good a singer or rapper compared to the others:( *)...

Ohhh...I just got to say that I'm getting so sick and tired when k-pop groups try to promote only ONE member...and they keep on shoving them into your face till you get so sick of them...and then this weird hatred towards that supposedly "face of the group" member burns like wild fire...GAH

Okie...I'm done bitching on Hyuna...hehe, I still Like her...but 4minute really is not a GROUP to me...it's just 'Hyuna and 4 others that are there who sings and dance but heck I don't remember their names' kinda thing...oh well:)

seeeeeeeee...even in the pictures Hyuna is always in the middle=_=...but damn I love their fashion:P

My Rant to those B****

To the bitches who con me and stole my wallet in Barcelona...

Who jammed the ticket machine and then acted to help me...
Who kept on pushing me back to the door whenever I tried to get out...
Who then prayed on my trust towards you since YOU bitches seemed like you genuinely were trying to help me...
Who then pulled my bag and dug my wallet out...
Who then freaking run away like some headless chickens when I finally pulled my bag towards me when I felt something was wrong...

F*CK you !!!! Freaking F*ck YOU!!!!...Barcelona is a WONDERFUL city and I LOVED it...but thanks to you stupid bitches and con freaks...It now holds an awful memory of ME LOSING MY THINGS TO YOU BITCHES!!!

It's not the money that you bitches DON"T deserve but yet HAPPILY STOLE that made me furious ...But the lost of That freaking wallet that you will NOT appreciate and then throw away after you clear off my cash makes me want to just punch you in your bitch face.

IT was a freaking gift from my best friends...which I had used everyday for more than 2 years now...and IN it are pictures, good luck charms and souvenirs that my Friends and Family gave me!!!!...Why can't you BITCHES had at least thrown my wallet after you dig what you wanted from it ,somewhere near the metro SOOOO I can AT LEAST get those things back!!!

Freaking bitches...I hope Karma will visit you one day...and see how it feels like when you lose something important...



but...i guess I was stupid to let my guard down and TRUST nice looking middle age ladies like you 2 bitches...who seemed so convincing that you actually CARED !!!! F*CKing bitches!!!

yet...THANK YOU for not getting to my passport and camera...I guess you 2 bitches were too SLOW to get to those things huh...

sigh...ok my rant is done...at least now I know pick-pocketing can happen anywhere,at any time, and by anyone....and that you can NOT trust anyone really....

The first time someone tried to steal from me was just a day before those bitches stole my wallet, but she failed because I reacted more quickly, thus she just ran off...but the 2nd time...sigh, I guess I was tired, and it was early in the morning AND being stuck at the metro machine SEEMED normal...and like hack!!! how smart are they to jam the machine...and stupid me trusted those bitches...my nice wallet was stolen in just that few seconds of confusion and distraction....T_T

Oh well...time to get a new wallet....and may you Romani Barcelona pickpocket bitches one day be caught....or just trip and fall WHILE you're running away with Another s' wallet and smash your faces on the floor and break your freaking noses ...or just crack your skull....

*sorry to be so aggressive in this post...but I never hated any Bitches this much before;)*

WoRds...

The easiest way to hurt someone is not by physical pain...but by emotional pain...and one of the easiest way to inflict that pain is by Words.

You can just bring apart someone's world down...with just one hurtful comment...a Few words that you said carelessly and just laugh it away would make another person's heart burn with pain.

So please do not just utter out a comment and say: 'I'm just joking'...and then just put on your stupid smiling face and move on...because It does hurt...no matter if you really meant it, or you just said it for the hack of it...every word that comes out from your mouth is from YOU, which means you DO mean it in a way.

What makes it worse is that after someone is hurt by your comment, they must suck it up and put on the 'ok just laugh it off, smile and not bother about it' face to not make YOU feel like a damn prick...but really, deep inside...it just crushes them...each hurtful word being echoed in their heads...again and again...

Words do hurt...so please think before you say anything...

Starting of a new chapter

6 months....
that's how long I've been stressed out from exam...

Never in my life have I felt so much pressure...and so much emotions that engulfed me during those few months...anxiety,depression,confusion,anger and distress..... almost everyday for that 6 months...I've felt that way...

So many times I have questioned myself...am I good enough...what am I doing here....what the hell is all this pain I'm feeling...and....Do I deserve to be here..... In summary it was HELL during those times...

I've never been the smartest...or NEVER ever been the best at what I do for that matter......and yet I'm here pursuing something so difficult...so challenging........haha....I still can't believe I'm still SURVIVING this course....

Well...all the emo-ness aside...I have survived yet again....Pain,Failure,Tears....It was horrible...but at least it is all over...and a new challenge lies ahead again....


YEAH...now I can finally stop posting emo post and move on to happier post....

Only If

I've never been so scared in my life
In a shitty situation with shitty feelings...

what if things don't turn out well
what if I'm just too weak to carry on and screw all of it up

...

What am I to do...when my best was not enough...and now I need to push myself even further...
When every moment I swear to myself how useless I am...and blame myself for not being good enough...

I'm so tired...really very very tired....
I want to give all of it up...
and just sleep for one night without any worries...

What should I do....I . don't. know.