Sometimes I wonder why the hell did I choose this path...
This terribly long, hard and stressful road to becoming a Medical Profession.
I am not crazily over empathetic
I am not a triple excellent top student
I am not good at presenting or communicating
I am not great at anything actually.
But,
I somehow managed to get through 2.5 years of medical theory...(which I had no idea how I did it)
and had the worse 6 months of my life here studying for an exam where I cried,screamed, being depressed and had anxiety....and yet...I somehow again managed to get through that hellhole.
And now being in the more 'practical' part of my training, I do doubt myself from time to time...
How can I be as chatty or lovely as that particular student who is always the 'loved' one by staff and patients.
How can I be as brilliant as that particular student who has endless knowledge and answers for every question thrown at them.
How can I be as curious about everything as that particular student who always ask relevant questions and is always ever learning about everything around them.
...
Then,
there is me,
who is quiet, timid and trying so hard to just 'catch up' to the other students..
Some days I just feel like I had made the wrong decision to be in the medical profession, where I feel that my future patients will hate me and consultants screaming at me for doing stupid,careless things, where working long hours would just burnt me out and responsibilities would drown me and make me go mad.
But then there are days like today...
Where a patient who can barely walk ,got up and shuffle about walking towards me,just to tell me that he is leaving the hospital soon and that he is thankful for the help and would miss me...haha...It is so strange when just a Thank you from a patient, or a smile from them makes you feel soooo happy, and where all the stress and pressures just goes away for that very moment.
I know I am only a student and in NO WAY I have really 'helped' any of them.
But, I do enjoy talking to them, and even though I did not diagnosed them or cure them, but just maybe 'entertained' them and made them feel a little more important during their stay...well...I guess that is enough for them really...
So...yeah it's a longgggg way to go, and I know I have so much more to learn and brush up on...but to tell the truth...I guess it is all worth it in the end for that little thanks and appreciation from the patients...
Sigh...I hope I will turn out fine:)
This terribly long, hard and stressful road to becoming a Medical Profession.
I am not crazily over empathetic
I am not a triple excellent top student
I am not good at presenting or communicating
I am not great at anything actually.
But,
I somehow managed to get through 2.5 years of medical theory...(which I had no idea how I did it)
and had the worse 6 months of my life here studying for an exam where I cried,screamed, being depressed and had anxiety....and yet...I somehow again managed to get through that hellhole.
And now being in the more 'practical' part of my training, I do doubt myself from time to time...
How can I be as chatty or lovely as that particular student who is always the 'loved' one by staff and patients.
How can I be as brilliant as that particular student who has endless knowledge and answers for every question thrown at them.
How can I be as curious about everything as that particular student who always ask relevant questions and is always ever learning about everything around them.
...
Then,
there is me,
who is quiet, timid and trying so hard to just 'catch up' to the other students..
Some days I just feel like I had made the wrong decision to be in the medical profession, where I feel that my future patients will hate me and consultants screaming at me for doing stupid,careless things, where working long hours would just burnt me out and responsibilities would drown me and make me go mad.
But then there are days like today...
I know I am only a student and in NO WAY I have really 'helped' any of them.
But, I do enjoy talking to them, and even though I did not diagnosed them or cure them, but just maybe 'entertained' them and made them feel a little more important during their stay...well...I guess that is enough for them really...
So...yeah it's a longgggg way to go, and I know I have so much more to learn and brush up on...but to tell the truth...I guess it is all worth it in the end for that little thanks and appreciation from the patients...
Sigh...I hope I will turn out fine:)
